26 MAY 2010

You can only push a girl away for so long until she walks out from your life on her own.
So be careful and makesure this is what you want.
because once she turns around, she isn't coming back!

New breathe taking

Salam.

lma btul aku x update blog aku ni. bkn apa,aku tlmpau busy dgn report2, interview2 yg tlmpau byk (mkin btmbh) dri hari ke hari. BTW, alhamdulillah, I managed them properly n succesfully.

skrg ni minggu exam. my next paper is on tis coming saturday.so aku ada bbrapa hri utk study. ni ja pluang yg aku ada utk update blog aku. *sorry kpd diriku sbb bbrpa kli suda break the promise utk update blog tetiap minggu*.

sbnrnya, aku skrg ni tgh mghitung hri utk pulang bcuti n utk memulakan hri sbg guru praktikal. nda sbr utk mnjalani fasa hdup sbg guru kaunseling. kdg2 aku rasa aku ni hipokrit jga.biarpn diri sndri byk mslh, rs x bhgia, tp aku tetap sedaya upaya skong org lain utk titipkn rsa bhgia tu dlm diri dorg.

thun ni byk btul perubahan drastik yg blaku dlm hdup aku. yg buat aku tpksa ubh skali lg planning hdup aku.tp alhamdulillah, aku sudah bsdia dari segi fizikal n mental dri dlu lg. aku xmo mmenoleh ke blkg lg. mbuang ms dgn mgenang blik bnda yg x mnyokong aku. klau aku fkir blik,tlmpau byk bnda yg myakitkn hti yg blaku baik sbb org lain atau diri sndri.

kdg2 utk tau kbnran mmg mnyakitkn hti tp d sna lah aku dpt kekuatan utk memajukn diri. org cuma tau mgata, cuma tau jd pengadil yg x bertauliah.kdg2 blagak mcm pndai pun ada.kdg2 aku cuma tsnyum dlm hti bila 'org2' tu tunjuk pndai dan genius.biarla, stakat bijak bckp utk mnunjukkan klmahan n kbdohan sendiri, aku x kisah n x rsa berkudis pun sbb kbnran sntiasa bsma aku.

pkara yg pling mnyakitkn hti aku bila smua org d sekeliling aku mnyalahkn aku utk ksalahan yg bkn aku buat. aku rs mcm bumi ni btl2 mghimpit aku.tp aku tetap x mo kalah. mmg aku diam tp, diam aku adalah utk kmenangan. mmg aku ssh.jd knapa? tp aku sgt bangga dgn diri aku. biarpn hdup sgt mncbr tp aku x pernah skali2 mngalah dgn takdir hidup.aku cuba melawan arus. alhamdulillah aku bjya. aku sgt2 mghargai setiap langkah2 aku utk mju ke hadapn. Prinsip hdup aku: "berlari klu blh, klu x dpt then bjln, klu xmampu pun, merangkak". pjlanan hdup aku sntiasa dpemudahkn. doa aku selama ni bertahun2 di perkenankn biarpn ada sj yg sng hati.

buat family yg sntiasa di hati (sesetgh la yg layak utk dihormati), aku tau, aku xkn pernah mampu utk mbls jasa dgn cara apa pn.~tati & arwah bapa (al-fatihah),dorg separuh dari nyawa aku.sentiasa fhm & mnyokong aku biarpn keadaan sekeliling sntiasa cuba utk 'mbunuh' aku. aku tau, dorg tau apa yg aku buat. sbb tu skongan x pernah ptus pun utk aku.

kdg2 aku terkilan. proses pndewasaan aku dan kjyaan aku berlalu perlahan. aku sntiasa mnanamkn niat utk mbrikn rawatan yg tbaik utk arwah bapa tp.. arwah pergi dulu tnpa smpt pn pn melihat hri kjyaan aku yang tinggal xsmpai 1 tahun lg.. he just wants me to be strong for his 'absence'.

aku sudah berubah. secara positif, aku sudah boleh menepuk bahu mengucapkn thniah kepada diri sndri utk separuh perjalanan hidup yg sudah dilalui. siapa sangka,aku yg cuma terperuk dan suka memencilkn diri dlm bilik kecil blh kluar dri situ dan mula mengorak langkah utk mncapai kjyaan satu demi satu. Peluang utk melanjutkn plajran ke matrik UIA digunakan sebaik mungkin ( I became the 1st grandchild who got that opportunity). then, I am the 2nd grandchild who get the opportunity to further study for the 1st degree (after Susilawati). i really struggle to be the 1st grandchild who further the study for the Master degree. C=

aku ingat lagi, msa sekolah menengah dlu. dari form 1 until 5,arwah bapa selalu tegur aku supaya jgn bjga utk studi tlmpau lewat nnti skit. tp skrg..xmugkin lg.. kmi adik beradik sgt rpat. aku dgn adik aku, nazela, sntiasa tahu dn fhm ksunyian bg seorg datuk.melalui hari2 tua dan terakhir dgn kesedihan & kesunyian..kdg2, aku rs bersalah sbb xmampu buat apa..

biarla..smua sudah berlalu..ksedihan..kesengsaraan.. aku mau lupakan smua.tmsuk lah pengkhianatan dn kcurangan...aku x kisah smua.sebagai seorang yg teraniaya, aku xkan membalas apa lagi utk menghukum.aku cuma mampu berdoa, biar 'org2' yg terlibat tu berada d tmpt aku utk merasa apa yg aku rsa.bkn berdendam tp sekurang2 dorg belajar sesuatu supaya tahu utk mnghormati hati and persaan org lain. dlm ms yg sma, aku cuma mampu mendoakan hri2 aku yg mndatang terisi pnuh dgn kisah2 kejayaan dan kebahagiaan.

~♥~the end is the beginning~♥~

words in the early of morning.

where should I start?
sorry for the long silence everybody. was too busy with the new tasks for these past few days..what to do..~had no time to write something on 1 Jan 10 as well.

but don't worry. i promise i would post the updates eveyrday..as I could..
anyway, i am very eager to share the new things to all of u..

p/s: for my sista: this is the cheapest way to feel the presence of 'us' as a family. C=

.::a huge day of my cousin::.

as usual..i'll be a 'pengapit' if there is a wedding ceremony in my family..

really tired more than those 'pengantins' I guess..


as I am being a 'pengapit', I am being offered to eat a slice of tis cake (Ya la pengantin mkn so, pengapit pun kna mkn juga..hik2 =p)

.::home In-making::.

msa bcuti nih byk memory yg sempat dirakam including tgk c along bt keja..
rajin ooo..

the words and thoughts of today.

"it's better to remain silence if o know ur words would hurt the others"

ya it's true guys.. in this morning, i learn on the new thing again~concerning on the attitude of the selfish ppl. there are so many type of these ppl who never know on how to appreciate what we've given. they also never know on how to understand us; the feeling of painful, rejection and all the bad feelings..

sigh2..

LETTING GO...

There is a point in ur life when u get tired or trying to fix everything or trying to make everyone happy.

When u finally decide to quit, it's not giving up. It's realizing that u don't need certain people and the disasters they bring to your life. =p